pre-planning

Some girls fantasize about their wedding day, pre-planning down to the most trivial detail, long before they even meet the man who will eventually become their spouse.

I, on the other hand, am pre-planning my funeral liturgy, along with a few other major details surrounding the conclusion of my life here on earth.

This might seem shocking to most- why would a seemingly healthy 26 yr old woman be contemplating her own death? Do I really foresee an unfortunate, gruesome, and untimely demise for myself? Hopefully not, but anything is possible, and pre-planning will save me much agonizing over whether my family will force "How Great Thou Art" and "On Eagle's Wings" on those who attend. Am I unusually morbid? Do I have an obsession with the macabre? Absolutely not.

Still yet, a few readers may be puzzled as to why these thoughts are occurring to me in the first place. I'll tell you why: funerals. I'm in funerals up to my eyeballs. Approximately 7 months ago, I began working full-time as the music and liturgy director at an aging Catholic parish in St. Cloud. I had been warned that we have a high incidence of funerals at this particular faith community, but I was not prepared for the almost weekly onslaught that seems to have taken hold. Since January 1, I have had to plan the liturgies for 8 people. I wonder if I shouldn't go into the business of it all, considering. Because so many people seem to choose the same "comforting" songs so often, they have little, if any meaning for me at all anymore. Whilst sitting at the bench of the piano or the chair for the cantor at all of these funerals, my thoughts often stray to the future, and with great frequency, the future affair of my end.

What I do not want:
-wailing and gnashing of teeth
-the notion that I've become an angel- people do not become angels...
-an elaborate coffin (if preservation of my body is preferred by my loved ones, I wish for them not to waste their money on anything but a simple, wooden box, perhaps even wrapped in a favorite quilt- I believe in as green a burial as possible- in fact, why not bury me by the tree I planted in first grade on the farm where I grew up- the place from whence I came?)
-if cremated, please do not place my remains in a conspicuous spot in someone's living room; it's not healthy to not let people go
-How Great Thou Art, On Eagle's Wings, You Are Mine, Be Not Afraid, Amazing Grace, Shepherd Me O God, Wind Beneath My Wings, The Rose, Ave Maria (Schubert, Bach/Gounod, or otherwise), Here I Am, Lord (unless sung by a good choir, arranged by Ovid Young), Hail Mary, Gentle Woman, Prayer of St. Francis, God Is Watching Us, Shine Jesus Shine, In the Garden, Softly and Tenderly, Our Father (Albert Hay Malotte), Panis Angelicus (Franck), etc., etc.

What I would like:
-music to be chosen from the following (or similar pieces): Earth and All Stars, All Creatures of Our God and King, I Know that My Redeemer Lives (Handel or DUKE STREET), O God, Beyond All Praising or O Spirit, All-Embracing (set to THAXTED), Holy God, We Praise Thy Name (arrangement used by National Catholic Youth Choir), Bread for the World (Farrell), In Paradisum (Faure), A Mighty Fortress (for my inner Lutheran), Steal Away to Jesus (sung by the men of Cantus) or Deep River (sung by local gospel favorite Jearlyn Steele- if she's available), Precious Lord, Take My Hand, Walk in Jerusalem, etc., etc.
-a party held yearly at my gravesite, marking my death date, to celebrate my new baptism
-beer and other spirits served at my funeral luncheon/dinner, and a jazz pianist playing meal music
-much laughter and story telling
-a memorial scholarship established in my name at Carthage College, reserved for a financially despondent OR first-generation college student , majoring in music
-to be buried sporting a full face of makeup and my most fabulous pair of heels


Thus ends my death directive. Consider this a legal and binding document. Friends, family, I am entrusting you to uphold my wishes based on this virtual note, my blog.

Love you all, and good night.