a father's wisdom

on the phone...

me: Dad, what took you so long to call me back? What have you been doing?
my dad: Well, Erin, I've been busy. Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger with crabs.

Here's Dad, relaxing in the house just after Christmas, in his favorite spot- the recliner across the room from the television (most likely tuned into Lifetime Movie Network). He was sporting his long johns (sans pants) as there had been a cold snap that week.

thirty

With my 27th birthday looming just less than a week away, I find myself having miniature, short-lived existential crises as of late. 27. Just 3 years away from 30. Mid-late-20s. Late 20s. Oh, oh, goodness. Late 20s? Seriously? My mom had already birthed me at this age, and was probably already planning child #2 (who came in the form of my lovely, always entertaining sister Ashley Ann when my mom was 28). No, no thank you. Because of my work schedule, I need a second dog-sitter to dog-sit the dogs I'm dog-sitting. I haven't the slightest clue as to how I could work my own progeny into the mix.

Of course, I sometimes experience the 20something single girl blues. You know which ones I'm talking about- the...

"woe is me, I have no boyfriend" or 

"if I don't start having children soon, I'm going to be an old mom" or 

"why can't I attract straight men like I attract gay men?" or 

"if that mean girl can get a boyfriend, so can I" or

"only my cat truly understands me" 

...thoughts that tend to creep in after a long, solitary Friday night of binging on red wine, pizza, chocolate, and rom-coms starring Sandra Bullock on Netflix's instant watch feature that you're too embarrassed to admit made you shed a tear or two.

"They" say that 30 is the new 20. If this modern adage turns out to be accurate, then I shouldn't be worrying so much about being "behind" my peers. 

Nonetheless, I feel more compelled than ever to just do the things I've been putting off for one reason or another. Whenever I feel anxious or troubled about the future or a big project at work or school, or am just having difficulty articulating myself, I like to make lists. This situation is no different.

Thirty Things Before I'm Thirty 

(if I really mean to attain completion of this list, I need to work at a rate of ten items per year- doable?)

1. Spend more time with my remaining grandparents- make audio recordings of our conversations about their youth.

2. Sponsor a child through a mission organization.

3. Go to London for the Proms classical music festival, held yearly from mid-summer to early fall (this might have to wait for my "Forty Things Before Forty" list, as trans-oceanic flights are not cheap and I work for a church).

4. Visit my friends in far-off places (Arizona, Atlanta, Boston and South Carolina, specifically speaking)

5. Scan and electronically preserve all photos taken in my immediate family before the miracle known as digital photography was invented and made accessible to the general public. 

6. Live by myself.

7. Learn to knit.

8. Lose thirty pounds.

9. Chaperone a prom.

10. Establish a photography business.

11. Pay off thirty percent of my student loans (have you noticed a theme yet?).

12. Sing in a band. A soul/funk/folk/bluegrass/rock/jazz/gospel/hip-hop inspired band. Jam. Gig it up in bars and outdoor festivals. Record an album.

13. Make my first entry into... Canada.

14. Keep a plant alive for a remarkable length of time (remarkable for me would be two months, and bulbs don't count).

15. Start composting.

16. Refinish a coffee table top with all the corks and beer bottle tops I've been saving for the previous 3+ years.

17. Buy myself a "right hand ring"

18. Meet Tina Fey.

19. Organize a family vacation with my dad, Pat.

20. Go on a hermitage retreat.

21. See Beyonce in concert.

22. Go through the entirety of my (current storage) 2034 MB-sized gmail account. Delete unnecessary archived items.

23. Convince a straight man to love and be devoted to me in the same way some of my dear darling gay man friends do.

24. Be more fully healed of the anguish caused by my parents' divorce.

25. Spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with family, rather than at church. 

26. Send more birthday cards to friends and family. For an entire calendar year, do not miss one birthday of those most important to me. Mail cards to the intended recipients on or before their birthday. Tape $1 bills into the card.

27. Go blonde for the summer.

28. Make a pie. From scratch.

29. Take a community ed pottery class.

30. Publish a humorous memoir.

Whew. I better get started.

Sept 18, 2007

I searched my gmail this afternoon for my sister's address, using the term "Ashley parker" because my sister Ashley currently lives in Parkers Prairie. The search yielded no archived address, but there was a little gem of an email that I'd written to my friends (among them, a friend named Ashley). I am amused at my ramblings, but a little disturbed by the candor. Have I always been guilty of sharing "TMI"? I think the 2007 version of me is pretty funny- a bit odd, but endearing.

Thanks, Gmail, for unlimited storage, archiving, and a search bar within email.


Following is a direct "copy and paste" of an email I sent to a handful of college girlfriends on September 18th, 2007 at 10:15am (no doubt from my work desk):

My feet stink. It's the shoes I'm wearing, rather actually. But the stink transfers. I wore them too many times without any sort of socks, so now they're gross, even though I dumped some antibacterial citrus febreze in them. Maybe I should dump body spray in them now? Will the alcohol kill the stink? or should i rinse them out with hot water? they're only payless shoes and it's not like the outer is made of real leather- it's a man-made material.

I just discovered "google scholar" and I'm pretty excited.

For breakfast, I had an english muffin with roasted garlic hummus. The hummus was a bit runny compared to what I'm used to- disappointment. Also, I had lime yogurt with granola. I love granola and yogurt. It's my new favorite food.

On my Starbucks cup this morning: "childhood is a strange country. It's a place you come from or go to- at least in your mind... It's like a little sealed-vault country of cake breath and grass stains where what you do, instead of work, is spin until you're dizzy."

I miss my childhood.

I had dinner with my mom last night at "my" vietnamese place. I don't think she appreciates the Vietnamese the way I do. I love Vietnamese and Thai food. My favorite Vietnamese food is the bowl soup with clear noodles and pork and seafood. And fresh spring rolls. The best part is the fresh mint leaves and cilantro. Anyway, Julie (age 49) tried to tell me she was going to date a 35 yr old man and I didn't really care and then she said she made it all up to test the waters but I don't think she really actually made it all up. There is a 35 yr old out there somewhere from match.com who my mom is thinking about making out with.

I got Megan Dieschbourg and Trevor Parker's "Save the Date" card in the mail yesterday. They're getting married July 11, 2008. I can't believe we'll all be 24/25 within the next 16 months.

composition

My forays into musical composition have been infrequent at best, and usually only because necessity required doing so, such as a music theory or teaching methods course. Of course, there was the one exception, fondly referred to as "Booty Ballad" by those privileged enough to perform it (click on the title of the song for a youtube link, then fast forward to approximately 5:30).

Today is one of those days, however, in which I feel inspired. My muse, I cannot pinpoint. Perhaps it's the sunshine or the 40+ degree weather, or the fact that I unlocked a level on Angry Birds that had been eluding me for a few days, or maybe it's that I'm having a fan-flippin-tastic hair day (thanks, Hairitage Square, for the effortless cut and revolutionary product you sold me). 

No matter the cause, I want to sing- sing a message to the UPS man (or woman), whom I am patiently waiting for to make haste with my new shoes in arm. In this instance, I feel the text should come before music. And so I write...








Give Me What I Want  original lyrics by ETG
copyright ETG, 2011

Tires splashing through melted snow,
mix of dirt, salt and cold.
It's not the sight of you, UPS truck, that I want.
No, no, no. It is what you carry in your cargo hold.

(chorus)
Give me what I want (it's shoes).
Give me what I(iiiiii) need (it's shoes).
Give me those tall heels (skyscrapers)
Give me what I need (to the stars).

I hear an engine and rush to the window
Much to my dismay, it's just the neighbor,
Pulling up to her house in her black Jeep Laredo
When? I cry, and feign tears of sorrow....
                              
(chorus)
Give me what I want (it's shoes).

Give me what I(iiiiii) need (it's shoes).

Give me those tall heels (skyscrapers)

Give me what I need (to the stars).

Now is not soon enough, for when it comes to shoes,
I'm a fiend, a beast, I cannot be satiated.
Metallic, dramatic, suede, patent, canvas,
Buckled, platform, strapped, knotted, I'm besotted.

(chorus)

Give me what I want (it's shoes).

Give me what I(iiiiii) need (it's shoes).

Give me those tall heels (skyscrapers)

Give me what I need (to the stars).

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute there, Mr. UPS man,

Is that a big package that I see in your hands?

Run to me, fly to me, make haste to please me,

For only you can give me what it is that consumes me...

(bridge)

I want shoes. That's what I want.

Give me those shoes. They're what I want.

Give me what I want. 

(final chorus)

Give me what I want (it's shoes).

Give me what I(iiiiii) need (it's shoes).

Give me those tall heels (skyscrapers)

Give me what I need (to the stars).

                                   

                                   

Amen.

                                

                                
                                

                                
                                

pre-planning

Some girls fantasize about their wedding day, pre-planning down to the most trivial detail, long before they even meet the man who will eventually become their spouse.

I, on the other hand, am pre-planning my funeral liturgy, along with a few other major details surrounding the conclusion of my life here on earth.

This might seem shocking to most- why would a seemingly healthy 26 yr old woman be contemplating her own death? Do I really foresee an unfortunate, gruesome, and untimely demise for myself? Hopefully not, but anything is possible, and pre-planning will save me much agonizing over whether my family will force "How Great Thou Art" and "On Eagle's Wings" on those who attend. Am I unusually morbid? Do I have an obsession with the macabre? Absolutely not.

Still yet, a few readers may be puzzled as to why these thoughts are occurring to me in the first place. I'll tell you why: funerals. I'm in funerals up to my eyeballs. Approximately 7 months ago, I began working full-time as the music and liturgy director at an aging Catholic parish in St. Cloud. I had been warned that we have a high incidence of funerals at this particular faith community, but I was not prepared for the almost weekly onslaught that seems to have taken hold. Since January 1, I have had to plan the liturgies for 8 people. I wonder if I shouldn't go into the business of it all, considering. Because so many people seem to choose the same "comforting" songs so often, they have little, if any meaning for me at all anymore. Whilst sitting at the bench of the piano or the chair for the cantor at all of these funerals, my thoughts often stray to the future, and with great frequency, the future affair of my end.

What I do not want:
-wailing and gnashing of teeth
-the notion that I've become an angel- people do not become angels...
-an elaborate coffin (if preservation of my body is preferred by my loved ones, I wish for them not to waste their money on anything but a simple, wooden box, perhaps even wrapped in a favorite quilt- I believe in as green a burial as possible- in fact, why not bury me by the tree I planted in first grade on the farm where I grew up- the place from whence I came?)
-if cremated, please do not place my remains in a conspicuous spot in someone's living room; it's not healthy to not let people go
-How Great Thou Art, On Eagle's Wings, You Are Mine, Be Not Afraid, Amazing Grace, Shepherd Me O God, Wind Beneath My Wings, The Rose, Ave Maria (Schubert, Bach/Gounod, or otherwise), Here I Am, Lord (unless sung by a good choir, arranged by Ovid Young), Hail Mary, Gentle Woman, Prayer of St. Francis, God Is Watching Us, Shine Jesus Shine, In the Garden, Softly and Tenderly, Our Father (Albert Hay Malotte), Panis Angelicus (Franck), etc., etc.

What I would like:
-music to be chosen from the following (or similar pieces): Earth and All Stars, All Creatures of Our God and King, I Know that My Redeemer Lives (Handel or DUKE STREET), O God, Beyond All Praising or O Spirit, All-Embracing (set to THAXTED), Holy God, We Praise Thy Name (arrangement used by National Catholic Youth Choir), Bread for the World (Farrell), In Paradisum (Faure), A Mighty Fortress (for my inner Lutheran), Steal Away to Jesus (sung by the men of Cantus) or Deep River (sung by local gospel favorite Jearlyn Steele- if she's available), Precious Lord, Take My Hand, Walk in Jerusalem, etc., etc.
-a party held yearly at my gravesite, marking my death date, to celebrate my new baptism
-beer and other spirits served at my funeral luncheon/dinner, and a jazz pianist playing meal music
-much laughter and story telling
-a memorial scholarship established in my name at Carthage College, reserved for a financially despondent OR first-generation college student , majoring in music
-to be buried sporting a full face of makeup and my most fabulous pair of heels


Thus ends my death directive. Consider this a legal and binding document. Friends, family, I am entrusting you to uphold my wishes based on this virtual note, my blog.

Love you all, and good night.

fresh and delicious- a recipe, by request

homemade,fresh and delicious-

             pico de gallo

you'll need...

1 can whole kernel corn

1-2 cans black beans

1 bunch of cilantro

1 medium jalapeno

1 yellow bell pepper

1 orange bell pepper

1 red bell pepper

2 green bell peppers

1ish lbs roma or vine tomatoes

1 medium-large red onion 

2 limes

2-3 cloves garlic (or less, depending on your personal preference)

for a sweeter salsa, replace jalapeno with mangos, and add a few tablespoons of honey

dice tomatoes, peppers, onions and jalapeno

chop cilantro

rinse corn and black beans (ESPECIALLY the black beans)

press or chop garlic

slice limes in 2-4 pieces and squeeze out juice

mix ingredients together in large bowl

add salt to taste

for more "heat", use the whole jalapeno or add crushed red peppers

serve on tacos, with authentic tortilla chips, mix with cheese for amazing quesadilla filling... use your imagination!

Make SURE you rinse those black beans!

I clearly should have worn a hair net... and a bra...

If the weather permits, spending the day outside on a deck, cutting up vegetables is a great way to pass the time.

Chop up that cilantro nice and fine.

If you're already making pico, it's not a bad idea to simultaneously work on guacamole. A good guac  contains tomatoes, garlic, cilantro and red onion. Two birds, one stone... also, two delicious dips!

Voila! Your pico de gallo will be as colorful as it is delicious!