in (the) heat

It is probably somewhat smart (in my head) that I don't do things most people make a habit of, like watching the nightly news or regularly checking the weather forecast. Had I gone online to weather.com or even clicked on the little weather icon of my Google Calendar, I would have had warning that it was going to be sticky sick hot today. Sometimes, I prefer to be surprised by bad(ish) news ; I don't like knowing ahead of time when things are going to be uncomfortable- stepping outside to be bushwhacked by the foot of snow on my car is somehow easier to stomach than seeing the weather radar on TV the night before and knowing what lies ahead before my morning commute- just as I wouldn't slowly peel off a band-aid, I don't like to ruminate on impending doom. Puh-lease... give me my scraper and let me get to work on the snow removal. Whether or not you agree with my logic, it's still my logic, and I have a strong sense of ownership over it.

And so it was this morning... Starting a day that would ultimately climax at 110 in the shade (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating- but not by much) wasn't a whole lot different from the hypothetical snow scenario. My initial feelings upon waking included borderline disgust (over the forthcoming stickiness), dread (over sweating through my bra), but also excitement- excitement for the possibility of a sunburn. You see, there are few feelings I savor more than that of a slight (or slightly more than slight) sunburn. There is just something extra special about the warmth that lingers after you've spent a day in the sun, and the tiredness that comes with it. I always sleep deliciously well on those nights after I bask in the glorious UV/UVB rays we're oft told to be wary of. If it's so bad for me, why does it feel so good?

Much as I love getting my leathery summer tan, I don't know that I'm cut out to endure heat and humidity of this kind on a regular basis. The combination of temps in the 90s and intense moisture in the air made for an oppressive kind of heat today. A person (that person being me) can go a little (or a lot) crazy in these conditions. Following is a sampling of thoughts I may or may not have thunk in the surreal swelter that was this Monday.

Heat-induced thought: "What a nice day. I'm going to mow the lawn."

Reality: We have a completely manual push mower- the kind without motorized blades.

Heat-induced thought: "I should weed the potential flower bed while the sun is shining and I can get some color. Hmm, I have no gardening gloves- I will use a pair of winter gloves."

Reality: I own no gardening tools... and ruined my gloves.

Heat-induced thought: "I will drink Mountain Dew for energy and hydration, even though I have an empty stomach."

Reality: almost immediate gut-rot.

Heat-induced thought: "Maybe I don't need to wear pants with this top when I go to have coffee with Claire this afternoon."

Reality: Social expectations in these United States include expecting people to not leave out certain articles of clothing from their ensembles.

Heat-induced thought: "I will write this blog with my laptop in my lap."

Reality: Sweaty, sweaty legs.

I'm going to go dry off now.

FFW2009

::Family Fun Weekend::

Those three little words conjure up a virtual plethora of feelings and memories- and that's just one weekend so far. Mother J had it in her head that we were finally going to take a real family vacay, as Papa P never much liked being away from the farm when we were kids, and especially not if it meant spending money or being unable to escape us kids and Mother J (they are now happily divorced). As a result of having family vacation plans squelched for so many years, Mother J organized a weekend "up north", including viewing a performance of a community theatre show, sampling local food fare, outdoor activities, "spending time with Jesus" and wearing matching t-shirts, bearing our likenesses and "nicknames" (Glory Child, Middle Child, Pretty One and Favorite Son- in birth order).

Knowing that those three days would be filled with an absurd amount of absurdities, we girls made a distinct effort to write down those very special moments wherein we found great humor. Looking back, the meaning of a few quotes are lost on me, but some of them stand alone in their ability to incite laughter- even to those who might not ever have met Mother J or my younger siblings. I don't know any set of children from a family who interact quite like my sisters, A, K and brother C do. What I do know, however, is that whilst we do function in a manner that some might consider dysfunctional, we do so with awareness of insanity and humor abundant.

A second annual FFW will take place yet again in 2010. This time, all 5 of us will be shacked up in the very close quarters of a sleeper cabin at a campground on the St. Croix River. I'm nervous that we may not be able to escape each other often enough in this small space and that A will have a breakdown-not being able to wash her hands regularly with extremely hot water and antibacterial soap at intervals Monk would be proud of. I imagine we'll have to have an ample stock of hand sanitizer handy (pun intended) to keep the peace, and well-filled duffel bag of happy juice with which I (and maybe K) can self-medicate- unbeknownst to Mother J, of course.

We will be sporting matching t-shirts again. And visiting a water park.

“I’m going to put you in my mouth and eat you.” –K

“I need a rag”- unknown

“I forgot my nerve pills and my sunglasses.” –Mother J

“Mom, you’re so strong.” –E
“Inside AND out.” –Mother J

“We need to stop to get me some Dramamine.” –A

“Ogre sized flip flops, huh?” –K

“Person, place or thing.” –Julie

“Merlin said we could smoke in here, right?” –A, as she pretends to light up a cigarette in a borrowed vehicle

“Oh my word, I think I really need that tranquilizer.” –Mother J

“If you don’t cremate me, I will haunt you all.” -K

“That. Is. Evil.” -Mother J

“You made me run and now I’m tired.” –A

“It’s too windy; you’re going to capSIZE the canoe!” -Mother J

“I just popped a zit and it hit the mirror.” –K

“Let’s take those pictures before my hair goes flat.” –A

“Leave the avocado behind!” –A

“Stop licking my hair.” –K

“ASS OFF!” –A

“Collin, give me your best vampire look.” –K
“Hang on, let me get into character.” –C

“I think I’m pregnant with a vampire baby.” –A
“No, it’s half human; it has a heart.” –K
“No, it’s a gluten baby.” –A

“We act like idiots when we’re together.” –A

“Mom, do you want me to wake you up?” –Erin (to Mother J as she slept through the theatrical performance)
“No.” –Mother J

“You better wipe the penis off your forehead if you’re going to walk past Mom.” –A

“I think the b-hole problems run in the family.” –A

“It’s gluten!” –Mother J

“Ashley’s mouth is there!” –unknown

“It’s because I’m a vampire and I don’t want to bite people in my sleep.” –A

11:25 pm- the kitchen
“Are you guys done eating?” –Mother J
“Mmmmm…. Do we have eggs?” –K
“That’s what she said.” –Mother J


“Katelynn, I moved the pillows so I could watch you.” –Erin

“Don’t come in here yet. I have to scope out the damage.” –A

“Where’s Mom?” –Erin
“She’s spending time with Jesus.” –C

“Ugh… human food repulses me.” –K

“You guys like watermelon, right?” –Mother J
“Yes, soaked in vodka.” –K

“I’ve been to Germany a couple of times.” –Erin
“Ggggggggkkkk” –K

“Say ‘thank you’.” –K (to C)

“They’re nice and moist.” –Merlin

“Aren’t they good, Merlin?” –K, suggesting Merlin taste a concoction of hers
“It’s… different.” –Merlin

virgin blogger

Hi. This is my first blog. I have been interested in blogging for quite a while, but could never seem to find the time nor the initiative to really start. Facebook, it seems, is becoming more and more public, despite advanced privacy settings; while I'd love to write "notes" via the social networking site, I cringe at the idea of all of my fb friends having access to said musings. I'm most certain that some of my ruminations may or may not inflame some people who I stay connected to on the site if only for networking purposes. I've already had a handful of flare-ups with extended family members who just can't seem to get past my political leanings, ideas about religion, or the humor with which I approach topics that some consider taboo. As a (student) teacher, too, I am nervous about creating material for the whole world to see that might jeopardize my employment with a district. However, I am confident that with good taste and proper disclosure, this shouldn't be a problem. Thus, I embark on a voyage into the world of blogging.

So, it is here that I will make an effort to start a record- simply of thoughts, stories, anecdotes, etc. I come from a very colorful immediate family, so that in itself should provide plenty of material to laugh over. I often make the comment to friends or family or even people I'm meeting for the first time (on awkward first dates- but dating is another blog topic in and of itself) that I will be writing a book of memoirs someday- perhaps more than one, even. Among my sisters and brother and myself, I am positive that we'll have enough material to fill multiple volumes on things my mother has told us, wisdom spouted from our Grammie, tales of the Gaffaney farm and more. It is my hope that my blog posts will provide the framework for which we base our memoirs.

Now I begin.