grateful

I work for a church. There was a time when I swore I'd never go back into a full-time music ministry job, but here I am, six months into a new position and still alive, not having ended my life by my own hands in a fit of fury and frustration. I absolutely have days when my mind's eye sees me leaving after a staff meeting and never looking back, but ultimately, I am aware that it isn't the parishioners or choir members that I'm frustrated with, but rather the nuances and unspoken rules that govern Church (with a capital C) and the privileges that go hand-in-hand with priesthood.

What impresses me most about my current place of employment is how the people of the community so positively respond to Christ's teachings- to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and visit the sick. I see examples of this everyday.

During the Christmas season, parishioners donated cold weather items (hats, mittens, scarves, thermal underwear- "long johns," etc) to local organizations. By the end of December, there was a heaping mound of these items under the tree that decorated the back of the church. The van used to transport the items was filled, and I was particularly struck by how many of the items were handmade.

This week, the parish is "Church of the Week," which means that we are sponsoring those who seek food and shelter from the nearby Place of Hope. Parishioners take turns cooking meals for the people in Place of Hope's care, and at night they sleep in the school gym.

Wednesday evening, as I was cleaning up after one of the choir rehearsals and getting ready to go home, I started thinking of how it was going to be especially cold this week. In order to get to my office without going outside, I had to tiptoe through the gymnasium, where the homeless persons were bedded for the night. In the darkness, I heard the occasional whisper and position adjustment as people attempted to find comfort on a sleeping mat on a gym floor, covered only by the blankets available to them from the garbage bag allotted each person.

What circumstances led them here? What single event devastated their existence? What twists and turns in their lives took away shelter? Does a mental illness prevent some from regular employment, and therefore the inability to pay rent?

The last three years have not been easy ones for me, financially speaking. Not having even an inkling that the economy would take a nosedive, I quit my full-time job and took up a teaching certification program in winter 2008, planning on working a few part-time jobs to make up for my lost income. I lost track of the applications I filled out- trying for everything from waiting tables to office assistant and in desperation, even McDonald's. Things were extremely tight, and I somehow managed for the next few months on my tax return, PTO that I cashed in when I quit my job, and a meager $500ish/month that I made at a very part-time church conducting gig. Even after that, I struggled. Ultimately, I ended up juggling 2 different conducting gigs, teaching a class for adults coming into the Catholic church, and cooking at a chain restaurant. There were many times when I had to decide between gas and groceries or my car payment and rent. Without a doubt, not an easy time, indeed.


No matter my circumstances, however, I knew that if the struggle got to be too much, if I  had to, both of my parents would have welcomed me home in order to get back on my feet. If not my parents, then a grandparent or generous aunt and uncle or cousin. If not family, then friends.

Fortunately, I am employed full-time again, and life is less stressful (to a degree) than before. 

I have so much. Even though I still need to find creative ways to pay all my bills- mainly, student loans-  (LBA and I keep the house at a very chilly temperature in order to save on heating costs), I have food to eat in my refrigerator, a bed with many blankets piled on top to keep me warm, and clothes to wear. Personal possessions aside, I am richly and profoundly blessed with supportive, loyal, trustworthy friends and family.

And so, as I quietly walked through the gymnasium last Wednesday evening, I was reminded to thank God for all that I have and all that is to come.