FFW2009

::Family Fun Weekend::

Those three little words conjure up a virtual plethora of feelings and memories- and that's just one weekend so far. Mother J had it in her head that we were finally going to take a real family vacay, as Papa P never much liked being away from the farm when we were kids, and especially not if it meant spending money or being unable to escape us kids and Mother J (they are now happily divorced). As a result of having family vacation plans squelched for so many years, Mother J organized a weekend "up north", including viewing a performance of a community theatre show, sampling local food fare, outdoor activities, "spending time with Jesus" and wearing matching t-shirts, bearing our likenesses and "nicknames" (Glory Child, Middle Child, Pretty One and Favorite Son- in birth order).

Knowing that those three days would be filled with an absurd amount of absurdities, we girls made a distinct effort to write down those very special moments wherein we found great humor. Looking back, the meaning of a few quotes are lost on me, but some of them stand alone in their ability to incite laughter- even to those who might not ever have met Mother J or my younger siblings. I don't know any set of children from a family who interact quite like my sisters, A, K and brother C do. What I do know, however, is that whilst we do function in a manner that some might consider dysfunctional, we do so with awareness of insanity and humor abundant.

A second annual FFW will take place yet again in 2010. This time, all 5 of us will be shacked up in the very close quarters of a sleeper cabin at a campground on the St. Croix River. I'm nervous that we may not be able to escape each other often enough in this small space and that A will have a breakdown-not being able to wash her hands regularly with extremely hot water and antibacterial soap at intervals Monk would be proud of. I imagine we'll have to have an ample stock of hand sanitizer handy (pun intended) to keep the peace, and well-filled duffel bag of happy juice with which I (and maybe K) can self-medicate- unbeknownst to Mother J, of course.

We will be sporting matching t-shirts again. And visiting a water park.

“I’m going to put you in my mouth and eat you.” –K

“I need a rag”- unknown

“I forgot my nerve pills and my sunglasses.” –Mother J

“Mom, you’re so strong.” –E
“Inside AND out.” –Mother J

“We need to stop to get me some Dramamine.” –A

“Ogre sized flip flops, huh?” –K

“Person, place or thing.” –Julie

“Merlin said we could smoke in here, right?” –A, as she pretends to light up a cigarette in a borrowed vehicle

“Oh my word, I think I really need that tranquilizer.” –Mother J

“If you don’t cremate me, I will haunt you all.” -K

“That. Is. Evil.” -Mother J

“You made me run and now I’m tired.” –A

“It’s too windy; you’re going to capSIZE the canoe!” -Mother J

“I just popped a zit and it hit the mirror.” –K

“Let’s take those pictures before my hair goes flat.” –A

“Leave the avocado behind!” –A

“Stop licking my hair.” –K

“ASS OFF!” –A

“Collin, give me your best vampire look.” –K
“Hang on, let me get into character.” –C

“I think I’m pregnant with a vampire baby.” –A
“No, it’s half human; it has a heart.” –K
“No, it’s a gluten baby.” –A

“We act like idiots when we’re together.” –A

“Mom, do you want me to wake you up?” –Erin (to Mother J as she slept through the theatrical performance)
“No.” –Mother J

“You better wipe the penis off your forehead if you’re going to walk past Mom.” –A

“I think the b-hole problems run in the family.” –A

“It’s gluten!” –Mother J

“Ashley’s mouth is there!” –unknown

“It’s because I’m a vampire and I don’t want to bite people in my sleep.” –A

11:25 pm- the kitchen
“Are you guys done eating?” –Mother J
“Mmmmm…. Do we have eggs?” –K
“That’s what she said.” –Mother J


“Katelynn, I moved the pillows so I could watch you.” –Erin

“Don’t come in here yet. I have to scope out the damage.” –A

“Where’s Mom?” –Erin
“She’s spending time with Jesus.” –C

“Ugh… human food repulses me.” –K

“You guys like watermelon, right?” –Mother J
“Yes, soaked in vodka.” –K

“I’ve been to Germany a couple of times.” –Erin
“Ggggggggkkkk” –K

“Say ‘thank you’.” –K (to C)

“They’re nice and moist.” –Merlin

“Aren’t they good, Merlin?” –K, suggesting Merlin taste a concoction of hers
“It’s… different.” –Merlin