in (the) heat

It is probably somewhat smart (in my head) that I don't do things most people make a habit of, like watching the nightly news or regularly checking the weather forecast. Had I gone online to weather.com or even clicked on the little weather icon of my Google Calendar, I would have had warning that it was going to be sticky sick hot today. Sometimes, I prefer to be surprised by bad(ish) news ; I don't like knowing ahead of time when things are going to be uncomfortable- stepping outside to be bushwhacked by the foot of snow on my car is somehow easier to stomach than seeing the weather radar on TV the night before and knowing what lies ahead before my morning commute- just as I wouldn't slowly peel off a band-aid, I don't like to ruminate on impending doom. Puh-lease... give me my scraper and let me get to work on the snow removal. Whether or not you agree with my logic, it's still my logic, and I have a strong sense of ownership over it.

And so it was this morning... Starting a day that would ultimately climax at 110 in the shade (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating- but not by much) wasn't a whole lot different from the hypothetical snow scenario. My initial feelings upon waking included borderline disgust (over the forthcoming stickiness), dread (over sweating through my bra), but also excitement- excitement for the possibility of a sunburn. You see, there are few feelings I savor more than that of a slight (or slightly more than slight) sunburn. There is just something extra special about the warmth that lingers after you've spent a day in the sun, and the tiredness that comes with it. I always sleep deliciously well on those nights after I bask in the glorious UV/UVB rays we're oft told to be wary of. If it's so bad for me, why does it feel so good?

Much as I love getting my leathery summer tan, I don't know that I'm cut out to endure heat and humidity of this kind on a regular basis. The combination of temps in the 90s and intense moisture in the air made for an oppressive kind of heat today. A person (that person being me) can go a little (or a lot) crazy in these conditions. Following is a sampling of thoughts I may or may not have thunk in the surreal swelter that was this Monday.

Heat-induced thought: "What a nice day. I'm going to mow the lawn."

Reality: We have a completely manual push mower- the kind without motorized blades.

Heat-induced thought: "I should weed the potential flower bed while the sun is shining and I can get some color. Hmm, I have no gardening gloves- I will use a pair of winter gloves."

Reality: I own no gardening tools... and ruined my gloves.

Heat-induced thought: "I will drink Mountain Dew for energy and hydration, even though I have an empty stomach."

Reality: almost immediate gut-rot.

Heat-induced thought: "Maybe I don't need to wear pants with this top when I go to have coffee with Claire this afternoon."

Reality: Social expectations in these United States include expecting people to not leave out certain articles of clothing from their ensembles.

Heat-induced thought: "I will write this blog with my laptop in my lap."

Reality: Sweaty, sweaty legs.

I'm going to go dry off now.